I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
