Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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