Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
