I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
