We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
