apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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