No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
be right there i have to get my cape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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