I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
