Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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