and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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