addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
