Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize