Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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