too bad you live with your parents still
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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