dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
