Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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