Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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