i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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