I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize