she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
