Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
