The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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