Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
