we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
