I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
FUCK WHALES
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
