and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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