i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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