why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
