you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
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You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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