I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
