I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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