Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
