Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
