my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
