I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
