This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize