My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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