Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
