When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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