I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize