it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
