I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
