I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize