So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
