:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
