It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
