There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.