What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
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I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.