Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My cat gives me a boner
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.