dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
