I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
