I just pynch a tree in the face
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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