wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
