For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
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this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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