Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The best revenge is premature balding
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
