He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
