If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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