if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
