He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
