I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
