im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm getting married
To pizza
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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