The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
