Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
