I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
