Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
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I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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